UBS

Cello's girlfriend Daniella's family owns an apartment in the alps, in the small village of Valbella, which is about 30 minutes or so walk from Lenzeheide, south of Chur. Cello organised a cycling weekend at the beginning of July, to coincide with the ski, or in this case hiking and cycling, lifts opening. Nick and I gratefully took him up on it, and after a small altercation with my car (which is a most wonderful mode of transport, and about which I will speak no ill, because every time I do something goes wrong with it, such as the dead battery which nearly did for this trip), the three of us, plus bikes and other assorted necessities headed south.

After basic unpacking, we walked into Lenzeheide, drank far too much beer or coke, depending on our natural dispositions and then walked back. Unfortunately the walk back was uphill, so we were well knackered before the weekend had really begun. But Cello found a radio station playing Moby's performance at the St Gallen Open Air festival, plus some beer in the fridge and order was soon restored.

Nick and Cello raring to go.

On the Saturday morning we woke up surprisingly early. Or maybe not, given that there was a mechanical digger making a hole in the lawn. In any case we were soon caffeined up and ready to go, with an odd assortment of protective clothing, sexy bikes and silly hats (left).

Cello fixes his first puncture.

We took two cable cars up to around 3000m and then looked anxiously at out surroundings. At least I did, and I don't recall any "gung ho" noises from my companions. At this height there was still snow, albeit very wet snow, plus lots of rocks and no obvious paths. We set off as best we could, Nick and Cello trying to ride over the rocks while I gave up fairly quickly and walked my bike down. This was Cello's undoing however, as he quickly found a particularly vicious rock, which not only gave him a puncture, but left a two centimetre gap in the outer as well (right). Fortunately I had a boot, a 15cm section of tyre, with me, so Cello swapped his inner tube and used the boot to make a makeshift repair to his tyre.

Cello models his body armour (available from the IT club in Amsterdam).

I'd wanted to try my bike down a ski slope since the first time I'd seen it advertised. I had these visions of lush green slopes, leading gently down the mountain. Blue slopes all the way. Tish and Pish! From the top to the middle station was more or less all off piste. While Cello and Nick could cope with this and rode a bit and walked a bit, I couldn't do it. As soon as my back wheel started sliding my bottle went with it and I tried to get off and walk. Mostly this worked - I only went flying once, and then I mostly avoided the rocks.

Somewhat battered and bruised, I was glad to reach Lenzeheide and lunch. This also gave Cello a chance to model his kinky bondage gear, sorry his protective armour.

Chris and Nick take a break.

In the afternoon, we decided to give the mountain a miss and instead went cycling through the woods around Lenzeheide. Sadly I don't have documentary evidence of Cello's next disaster, though Nick has. Inexplicably he managed to take a picture for those few brief seconds while I was leaning against a tree, rather than risking life and limb holding bits of Cello's bike. Can't thing how that happened...

Eventually we reached this lovely place (left), where we chilled out for a bit, took in the view and then headed back.

Nick and Cello relax on the balcony.

Pausing only for an ice cream break (it would have been a beer break, but the lakeside cafe where we stopped only had alcohol free beer. Doh!), we headed home, where we showered, changed, relaxed for a bit and then went in search of food, wine and beer. Even Cello, though he stopped searching somewhat earlier than the British pisshead contingent.

The next morning was not an early one, or an enthusiastic one. I would blame the walk home for wiping us out, except that we got a taxi. So instead of an early start and much biking, we had a late start and much lazing on the balcony. And very good lazing it was too.

The view from the balcony.

Valbella maybe in the middle of nowhere, but that is part of the attraction. The view from the apartment balcony is stunning.

Nick ties his bike to the car.

We couldn't face anything arduous, so Cello took us on a short trip. Sadly it was uphill, so I, and to a lesser extent Nick, had to walk large parts of it. But we found a pleasant restaurant, had a good lunch, and the return leg was downhill, which was much more enjoyable.

We arrived back in plenty of time, so we could take it easy for a while. Then Cello did his putzfrau bit around the house while Nick and I packed the car. Except that somewhere in the middle I found time to sit out on the lawn, read a book and get my arms burned. Cello might say (he's hinted as much) that this is justice as he was working while I was sunning myself. I say I can't help being more efficient...

Last modified on 22nd December 2007 3:34 PM EST

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